Fit yourself

"Fit yourself for the matters which have fallen to your lot, and love those people among whom destiny has cast you -- but your love must be genuine."  6:39.

Others

Yes, you are tired of dealing with others. How many times have you heard them prattle about meaningless aspects of their lives without regard for what is relevant to you? How many times have they trampled upon your wish to be helpful or judged you without basis?

They are often needy, selfish, petty, and uninteresting. They are sometimes deceptive, devious, and cruel. Rarely are they kind or considerate, and almost never have you seen them act truly selflessly. You may admit without shame that they exhaust you, for you can neither control them nor the way they make you feel.

But consider: what would your life be without them? Without others there would be no language (for who would you communicate with?). There would be no poetry, no music, no artwork. Without others, there would be only the hollow sounds and vacant images of an animal seeking its next meal. There would be nothing you consider life - there would be only existence.

All of the things you love about your life would not be possible without others. They are the reason you are human.

So do what you can to embrace them, accept them for what they are, and act accordingly. If they refuse you, then you have lost nothing, but have gained much through the effort.

Now

"Make a gift to yourself of the present moment."

Colleagues

You cannot control the behavior - or the thoughts and perspectives - of those you work with.

Though their behavior may sometimes reflect on you, you also cannot control those aspects of your reputation which are informed by your colleagues' actions. Besides, a reputation is only a useful tool - it is in no way part of who you are. As a tool, if it is dulled by someone else, you must simply work to sharpen it again.

You can only evaluate their actions within the scope of your own knowledge and experience and adjust your behavior accordingly. If you can mitigate the harm that your colleagues may be causing, you should; if you can advise them on a better course, you should. If they persist in what you consider to be mistakes and you do not have the power to stop them, you can only respond to the damage they cause.

All of this said, you are sometimes reluctant to speak out against behavior that you find inappropriate because of the damage it will cause to your relationship with your colleague. This is unacceptable. True, you must weigh that damage against the benefit of the confrontation, but the confrontation itself is not something that is inherently wrong.

As with anything: decide within the context of the situation, do all that you can to set things right, and let the rest go.

Appreciation

If you ever hope to enjoy your life, you must learn to appreciate as many of its component parts as you can. Not only that, but you must appreciate those aspects deeply and fully, not in the superficial way to which you are accustomed. For instance, an opera is only loud singing without an understanding of the art and a keen ear; in the same way, great modernist painters are only splattering paint if you don't look closely and understand the context of the work.

Now, it seems to me that there are two keys to appreciation: active perception and understanding. You are not skilled at either of these things, though you have the capacity for both, particularly the latter. Regarding the former, you must constantly struggle to remain attentive to the here and now - to the thing being appreciated - if you ever hope to live a full life. Regarding understanding, you have been lazy up until now where it comes to understanding things which are difficult or strange to you.

Pay attention to the details of your work and your habits and your pastimes. Learn what other people have said and done, understand the details and context of your actions. If you do these things, you will not only appreciate the work of others, but you will appreciate your own life's work. And that is the best definition of happiness - long-term happiness - that I can think of.